I Am Who I am, I Am Not Who I Am

I am who I am today, and I am not who I am, because of the past decisions I have made, in partial knowledge of what I know today.

真的很庆幸，更了解自己的需要，仅此，仅此。

Luke 9:23-24
23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. 
24 For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.

真的很庆幸，更了解大家的观点，仅此，仅此。

Luke 14:25-33
25 Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said:
26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
27 And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?
29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you,
30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
31 “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?
32 If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33 In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.

其实，很久以前就放手了，虽然没有放弃，因为交给了神，也相信神的安排和超乎想象的回报，也知道那结果也不一定是我想象的。

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD

每一位神放进我生命里人，都已经成为我人的一部分
只能好好用神的方式去爱，用你们最舒服的方式去爱

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

爱是生命，生命也是爱
不能不爱，也不能伤害
最后的爱，是不爱的爱！
我‘不爱’你了，不要有压力了啦！

Systems of Life

At different stages of life, I worry about different things, especially at times I am forced to worry and make decisions. Until after the very moment I graduated from my academic life, I realized how much graduations have played a part in my life, in my decisions how to live. Because of the way most people, including me grow up nowadays, most of our lives are staged according to our academic lives.

At the tender age of 5, I was set innocently by the current norm of life to stop staying at home the whole time and to spend at least half of my weekdays at a place called school, for almost the next 20 years. In these 20 years, I was expected to spend ~6 years in primary school, ~6 years in secondary school and ~5 years in tertiary education institution, with temporary and transitional breaks in between. The beginning of each stage signifies the ending of the previous stage, of everything initiated, developed, established and stabilized in a harmonious  but imperfect system of behaviors and thoughts. 

For me, it is the imperfection that drove me to shatter up everything in life as I know to move on to the next stage in the hope of establishing a better system. As I progress, I leave part of my old self, some good and some bad, in order to accommodate newer elements. However, some things remain throughout every stage, that is the expectation of the coming new stage/stages, hopefully richer and better, as well as the worries that come with the expectations.

At current stage, I am blessed to probably have accumulated more resources than I have imagined and maybe more compared to the average of my peers. In the experience of forever chasing after more resources or rather, afraid of not accumulating enough/fast enough resources, I realized that it is never going to be enough and I am never going to create a perfect systems of living, nobody has, nobody will.

In the past, I used to be tempted to look forward to have current things be replaced with better things in the future, every single one of them, not realizing/distinguishing which of them are my soul. However, my old perfect world is never actually that big. Now that I have caught a glimpse of that old perfect world in real, it is a perfect world indeed.

However,

Mark 8:36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

One Week One Lifetime

Ever experience one day, one week where it feels like it is worth one whole life time?

Run, don't walk.

But look, closer, carefully.

And fear no more.

To ask for more.

Steer diligently.

Work hard.

Get dirty.

Get creative.

More crying.

More enlightening.

How worse can it be.

Better is yet to come.

Worst, it has been.

Wish for the best.

Follow the light.

Only the best.

Together.

Create.

Happy New Year.

Ultimately, be sexy, why not.